Not all challenges are created equal.
And not all of them are yours to solve.
In last week's post, Rachel shared what was on her mind. She’d opened up about self-doubt and burnout, and the emotional weight of trying to keep it all together.
Through presence, pacing, and a few rounds of “And what else?”, we uncovered more than just a performance dip—we surfaced a deeper pattern of over-functioning, perfectionism, and fear of disappointing others.
But the swirl of everything at once can be overwhelming—for the person and the coach.
So I asked:
“What’s the real challenge here for you?”
Rachel paused. “Honestly? It’s knowing when to stop. I keep saying yes, even when I’m stretched too thin. It’s like I’m trying to prove I can handle it all. I don’t know how to step back without feeling like I’ve failed someone—or fallen short of where I’m supposed to be.”
That’s when we moved from exploration to clarity.
Why this question matters
The Focus Question cuts through the noise.
It helps people narrow down what really needs their attention—especially when they feel stuck, scattered, or emotionally flooded.
Michael Bungay Stanier says this question helps us avoid coaching the wrong problem. Because when you jump too fast into fixing the first thing someone says, you risk solving a symptom instead of the root.
With Rachel, she wasn’t just tired. She was tangled up in a story: “If I don’t say yes, I’m letting people down.”
That was the real challenge. And that’s where the coaching needed to begin.
It was the moment we stopped circling the problem and started coaching forward.
How and when to use it
Use “What’s the real challenge here for you?”:
• When someone brings a complex or emotionally loaded issue
• When they seem overwhelmed by competing priorities
• When they’re venting—and need help turning the corner
The key is the phrasing.
Not “What’s the challenge?” but “What’s the real challenge here for you?”
Each word matters:
• Real = Get beneath the surface
• Here = In this moment, not historically
• For you = What they can own, not what others should do
With Rachel, that framing helped her shift from blaming the circumstances to recognizing the story she was carrying—and what she could choose to change.
Why it matters:
Coaching isn’t just about making people feel heard.
It’s about helping them hear themselves more clearly.
The right question, asked with care, becomes a mirror.
And clarity is where growth begins.
Your Turn:
Next time someone brings you a swirl of issues—try this:
Pause. Breathe.
Then ask:
“What’s the real challenge here for you?”
Let it land.
You might be surprised by what comes next.
Coming next week on Wisdom Wednesday:
We’ll explore the Foundation Question—and it can reconnect people to their voice, values, and next step forward.
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