You think you’re having real 1:1s.
But you’re really just reviewing tasks.
Leadership is full of check-ins.
But not all of them are real conversations.
For years, my 1:1s were structured, efficient, and predictable—just like I thought they should be. We reviewed priorities, cleared blockers, checked timelines. I was doing what good managers are “supposed” to do.
But then I noticed a pattern:
Everything looked fine on paper, but something was missing.
Energy low. Engagement shallow. Small problems surfaced too late.
One day, I sat down with a high-performing team member—let's call her Rachel. She’d always handled complex projects well—proactive, thoughtful, respected by peers. But lately, something had shifted. Her updates were brief. She avoided optional meetings. She stopped offering ideas.
When I asked for a status update, she gave one.
But I paused and asked:
“What’s on your mind?”
She looked at me. Paused. Then quietly admitted:
“I’m not sure I’m adding value anymore. I’ve been second-guessing myself a lot lately.”
That conversation changed everything.
What “What’s on your mind?” Really Does
At face value, it sounds casual. But it’s deceptively powerful.
“What’s on your mind?” signals that this isn’t just another meeting—it’s an open door.
It invites the other person to bring what matters most to them—without assumptions or judgment. It creates space for clarity, candor, and connection.
The 3Ps: Projects, People, Patterns
Michael Bungay Stanier frames this question as a gateway into the 3P framework:
• Projects – What are you working on?
• People – Who are you working with?
• Patterns – What habits or assumptions are showing up?
Each “P” uncovers a different kind of challenge:
• A Project response: “I’m behind on the rollout.”
• A People issue: “I’m avoiding a teammate—I don’t trust how they communicate.”
• A Pattern: “This always happens when I’m unsure—I shut down instead of asking for help.”
With Rachel, we started with a project. But what was really on her mind pointed to a pattern—self-doubt and a quiet question of belonging.
Coaching for Development vs. Performance
Performance coaching focuses on outcomes.
Development coaching focuses on the person behind the performance.
When leaders stay curious, they create space for both:
• Clarifying priorities and surfacing purpose
• Managing work and building confidence
• Driving results and nurturing growth
And it starts with a question that tells someone:
“This time is for you.”
Your Turn:
What would happen if you replaced your next check-in agenda with just one question:
“What’s on your mind?”
Try it. Don’t rush the silence. See what surfaces.
Want to know what to ask next?
Join me next week for Wisdom Wednesday as we explore the AWE Question—and how a simple follow-up can unlock even deeper insight.
#LeadershipDevelopment #TheCoachingHabit #CoachingMindset #GrowThroughLeadership #LeadToLearn #WisdomWednesday
