Leaders are often fixers.

We hear a problem, feel the pressure, and rush in with a solution.

But when we fix too quickly, we rob others of clarity, ownership, and growth.

Last week, Rachel finally named what she truly wanted:

“To feel like I’m doing enough—without having to be everything to everyone.”

It was a powerful breakthrough. But insight isn’t action—and desire alone doesn’t create change.

As she sat across from me, clearly self-aware but still overwhelmed, I resisted the urge to offer advice or take things off her plate.

Instead, I asked:

“How can I help?”

She looked surprised.

Then she paused. “Honestly… I don’t need you to fix anything. I just need your support in setting some boundaries. And a little help saying no when I forget how. Because when I’m in the moment, I can’t always see I’m doing it again—until it’s too late. And some reminders that saying no doesn’t make me less committed—it just means I’m protecting what matters most.” 

That was it.

She didn’t need rescuing.

She needed partnership.

Why “How can I help?” matters

Michael Bungay Stanier calls this the Lazy Question—not because it lacks effort, but because it prevents over-functioning. 

As leaders, we’re often trained to add value by doing more. But that mindset can disempower the people we’re trying to support.

“How can I help?” flips that. It invites the other person to name what they need—without assuming, overstepping, or solving for them.

It creates clarity around roles, expectations, and support—without creating dependency.

When and how to use it

Use “How can I help?”:

• When someone is opening up emotionally

• When you’re tempted to jump into action

• When you want to reinforce agency—not take over

The question offers help without assuming what help looks like.

Sometimes they’ll ask for guidance.

Sometimes for time, space, advocacy—or simply to be heard.

And sometimes, like Rachel, they’ll ask for accountability as they try to show up differently.

Why it matters:

Leadership isn’t about having the answers.

It’s about creating conditions where others can find their own.

“How can I help?” centers the conversation on them—their needs, their growth, their voice.

It reminds us that leadership isn’t about taking the wheel—it’s about walking beside someone as they learn to steer with confidence.

It invites shared ownership, not silent obligation—and that’s where real leadership culture begins.

Your Turn:

When you feel the urge to step in and solve—pause and ask:

“How can I help?” 

Let them tell you what they need.

You might find it’s far less—and far more—than you thought.

Coming next week on Wisdom Wednesday:

We’ll explore the final coaching question and how reflection can turn a single conversation into lasting growth.

#LeadershipDevelopment #TheCoachingHabit #CoachingMindset #GrowThroughLeadership #LeadToLearn #WisdomWednesday